THE VICTOR MUG "Each genuine Victor coffee mug [Victor is imprinted on the bottom of each] weighs more than a pound and is made of the finest fired clay porcelain. This excellent mug is virtually indestructible . Victor mugs would invite a sense of stability, permanence, and comfort. " http://victormug.com/
"Just like the curse just like the stray...
you feed it once...
and now it stays...."
(Until it Sleeps, Metallica, 1996)
The words blast in my ears as I romp through the woods...
So which beast do I feed today? Is it the one that wants to starve me....make me run on empty?
So which beast do I feed today? Is it the one that wants to starve me....make me run on empty?
'Cuz I can't begin to count the number of days when I'm operating on "battery power" from a battery that's ready to crap out at any minute. But that beast insists on earning and deserving, even for the most basic necessities.. ..like food.
But I'm slowly realizing how much more I can accomplish when I’m not
STARVING..
Starving for attention, understanding, human connection…
Or just plain ole’ nourishment…
I've found that in the absence of adequate nourishment …I CRAVE and CHASE
“that BURN" that I've spoken of before....
And its insatiable..
And sometimes frightening..
And often maddening....
And while I am cruising/dragging/or being "pushed" along the trails, I often wonder if I'm "chasing" or "being chased" ..
But I know this is where I can both "loose her" and "find her" all over again.
Although sometimes its frightening to enter those trails on any give day...
because I just don't know which "beast" will show up...
The beast that wants to punish, push, pull, berate, starve.....
or the gentle beast, who knows how to adequately nourish the "fire in her belly" without the maddening hunt.
And SOMETIMES you haphazardly run into one of your old running buddies on that trail and get to enjoy an "accidentally glorious" jaunt. And the happenstance meeting reminds you to look up from the trail every now and again...and APPRECIATE all that nature has offered you.
Because I think I would like to finally look up from the trail and LIVE my LIFE... and not just exist in perpetual RECOVERY. I so easily forget how far I've come and how many things I've already recovered from but ...UGH...I'm EXHAUSTED and tired of "RECOVERING".
But maybe life is a continual cycle of living...hurting...recovering...and then living again. And in the "living again" we are reminded to be appreciative of all that we may have forgotten we were fortunate enough to have in the first place...
Like the the natural progression of the woods, ....the trails are forever changing. Sometimes they're clean and safe to pass through mindlessly. Sometimes after a hard rain there are slicks spots or new roots that can trip you in an instant. And while these trails are the same trails I've traversed a million and one times...there's an impermanence to them, which keeps me coming back for more.
In the fall, they are covered with glorious colors and layered with sheets of leaves that give them an extra "plushness".
In the winter the trees are barren, but you can see so much further and so much more of the water or hidden creeks that you don't see when the trees are in full bloom.
In the Spring they are luscious and green, with wildlife and foliage that constantly catch your eye.
In the summer, unfortunately, there are horse flies as big as golf balls that will HUNT YOU DOWN...chase you, circle you...they are relentless in their pursuit. And to add insult to injury, their bite is VICIOUS. Therefore, you are left appearing quite insane as you run along in a fit of madness yelling and swatting and throwing fists in the air ..
An eating disorder is like a horse fly....
Relentless in its pursuit...constantly circling ..looking to bite you at any minute...
Sometimes it will disappear.
But then it flies back in outta no where, when least expected...and there I am ....
Throwing fists in the air ...
I want to be like that Victor mug....indestructible...and with a sense of stability, permanence, and....
COMFORT.
I've gotten so used to being uncomfortable that I forgot what it is to be comfortable anymore...,
Maybe that's what I chase in the woods...
Because during this morning's jaunt, there was a spot on the trails where I could actually "smell" the warmth and comfort of the sun......
and even though I was trudging up "cemetery hill" (Yes...there is literally a cemetery at the top of this hill ...in case you don't make it.),
my breathing was labored,
my heart was pounding,
And I ironically felt...COMFORTABLE.
The woods ALWAYS ALWAYS nourish me....
And in the end...the gentle beast almost ALWAYS emerges...
feeling FULLY nourished.
And if you are reading this...you have nourished me in some very important and vital way at some point along my "trails"..
I hope in return I may have nourished you and your soul in some fashion ...and hopefully have encouraged you to find YOUR comfort...
whether it be in the woods...
or in the early morning...
or late evening ...
..or with a nice cup o' joe in a VICTOR MUG..
AND FOR THOSE HISTORY BUFFS...here is the HISTORY of the Victor Mug..
http://victormug.com/Victor.pdf
And its insatiable..
And sometimes frightening..
And often maddening....
And while I am cruising/dragging/or being "pushed" along the trails, I often wonder if I'm "chasing" or "being chased" ..
But I know this is where I can both "loose her" and "find her" all over again.
Although sometimes its frightening to enter those trails on any give day...
because I just don't know which "beast" will show up...
The beast that wants to punish, push, pull, berate, starve.....
or the gentle beast, who knows how to adequately nourish the "fire in her belly" without the maddening hunt.
And SOMETIMES you haphazardly run into one of your old running buddies on that trail and get to enjoy an "accidentally glorious" jaunt. And the happenstance meeting reminds you to look up from the trail every now and again...and APPRECIATE all that nature has offered you.
Because I think I would like to finally look up from the trail and LIVE my LIFE... and not just exist in perpetual RECOVERY. I so easily forget how far I've come and how many things I've already recovered from but ...UGH...I'm EXHAUSTED and tired of "RECOVERING".
But maybe life is a continual cycle of living...hurting...recovering...and then living again. And in the "living again" we are reminded to be appreciative of all that we may have forgotten we were fortunate enough to have in the first place...
Like the the natural progression of the woods, ....the trails are forever changing. Sometimes they're clean and safe to pass through mindlessly. Sometimes after a hard rain there are slicks spots or new roots that can trip you in an instant. And while these trails are the same trails I've traversed a million and one times...there's an impermanence to them, which keeps me coming back for more.
In the fall, they are covered with glorious colors and layered with sheets of leaves that give them an extra "plushness".
In the winter the trees are barren, but you can see so much further and so much more of the water or hidden creeks that you don't see when the trees are in full bloom.
In the Spring they are luscious and green, with wildlife and foliage that constantly catch your eye.
In the summer, unfortunately, there are horse flies as big as golf balls that will HUNT YOU DOWN...chase you, circle you...they are relentless in their pursuit. And to add insult to injury, their bite is VICIOUS. Therefore, you are left appearing quite insane as you run along in a fit of madness yelling and swatting and throwing fists in the air ..
An eating disorder is like a horse fly....
Relentless in its pursuit...constantly circling ..looking to bite you at any minute...
Sometimes it will disappear.
But then it flies back in outta no where, when least expected...and there I am ....
Throwing fists in the air ...
I want to be like that Victor mug....indestructible...and with a sense of stability, permanence, and....
COMFORT.
I've gotten so used to being uncomfortable that I forgot what it is to be comfortable anymore...,
Maybe that's what I chase in the woods...
Because during this morning's jaunt, there was a spot on the trails where I could actually "smell" the warmth and comfort of the sun......
and even though I was trudging up "cemetery hill" (Yes...there is literally a cemetery at the top of this hill ...in case you don't make it.),
my breathing was labored,
my heart was pounding,
And I ironically felt...COMFORTABLE.
The woods ALWAYS ALWAYS nourish me....
And in the end...the gentle beast almost ALWAYS emerges...
feeling FULLY nourished.
And if you are reading this...you have nourished me in some very important and vital way at some point along my "trails"..
I hope in return I may have nourished you and your soul in some fashion ...and hopefully have encouraged you to find YOUR comfort...
whether it be in the woods...
or in the early morning...
or late evening ...
..or with a nice cup o' joe in a VICTOR MUG..
http://victormug.com/Victor.pdf
No comments:
Post a Comment