Life behind the handle bars...

TONIGHT..

Me dear readers, listeners, SUPPORTERS...

I am grateful for..

1. HANDLEBARS...

or more precisely...the life I have the fortune to enjoy,view, engulf ..

from behind..

my handlebrs.

WHENEVER possible, I continue to opt for transport in the form of 2 wheels...instead of 4 :)

And I cannot explain the ENLIGHTENMENT which occurs while pedaling alongside the "traffic" ..
as opposed to being an active "participant" in the traffic.

And the enlightenment of listening to the aforementioned "traffic"...

The 'zooms', the roars, the 'engine revs', the honks...

Oh the startling realization of how WE...as a HUMANS..conduct ourselves in our vehicles!!

Because oy vey'...it can be...

SHAMEFUL.

And know...I am NOT  immune to this behavior!

I have certainly realized that that if I were in my car, I TOO would be engaging in this SAME.EXACT.SHAMEFUL.BEHAVIOR.

UGGH...

ME!!!

But there is something inherently enlightening, organic..about being on the 'outside' of the windows...as opposed to being enclosed on the inside of a box

on 4 wheels. :)

And perhaps this will allow me to conduct myself in a much less...ahem... SHAMEFUL manner....

be more MINDFUL..

notice my surroundings..

the next time I find myself enclosed atop...

4 wheels.

2. NEIGHBORS.

Growing up, I did not have the best neighbors.

HOWEVER..

as an adult..

I was THRILLED to have had the fortune of residing besides such FANTASTICAL neighbors!!

And most recently have been surprised that they will "pop up" in your life, when least expected.

And in a unassuming, subtle manner, remind you that no matter WHERE you are in life....

you are supported...

appreciated..

LOVED.

3. SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE..

because as I SIT here...and write..

SNL hums in the background....

And they have just compared Prez D...to..
the HAMBURGLAR!!

Did they read my blog post from a few nights ago??
Do they KNOW..how I too ...identify with...

THE HAMBURGLAR!!

Who knows..
who cares.

But I certainly appreciated any mention or nod to the hamburglar.

Because while I find this to be the most RIDICULOUS title for any being to bear,

it is also a subtle...UNASSUMING..reminder ...

that no matter WHAT...we as people are appreciated,

SUPPORTED...

LOVED.

And also..should NOT take ourselves...

SO.
DAMN.
SERIOUSLY.

And while there is PLENTY more for which I am grateful for tonight..

that is all for now... ;)

Until next time my loves......

You BETTER..be good..to me....

TONIGHT..

MY Gratitude includes...

1. PEOPLE...HUMAN BEINGS..

Because if you actually explain to them how much your are STRUGGLING...
they will...*GASP*..

HELP YOU!

I TRULY TRULY believe in the INHERENT good of all people.

I am an unabashed "HEART" thinker...

..and YES..this has definitely "bit me in the A$$", on NUMEROUS occasions.

And I have certainly learned from my..MULTIPLE...ahem..

ENLIGHTENED MOMENTS

but when I know it is right....

and I am not being cheated..

.....and even in my darkest moments..

I will NOT surrender my belief,

my faith,.

in the inherent GOOD.....

of all of us.

But understandably,  we have all been tainted, scared, burned...

MAIMED.

So of COURSE we are equipped with the skepticism,
the "armor"..
the "fists"
The "insert protective mechanism here".

Yet I continue to persevere...
and NOT give up hope..

in the INHERENT GOOD...

of us all.

2. TINA.EFFIN.TURNER

I was originally going to to write that she was the "female" version of ..James Brown.

But EFFF that!!

She wasn't a "version" of anyone.

She was.....

HERSELF!!

Unashamed.

Unabashed.

TRUE, REAL, GRITTY.

And she reminds us..

YOU BETTER BE GOOD TO ME
You better be good to me
That's how it's gotta be now
'Cause I don't have no use
For what you loosely call the truth
You better be good to me
Yeah, you better be good...

So whether you are male, female, black, white, purple, green....YOU.ARE.WORTH.IT!!!

And don't you DARE...

SETTLE.

Because if I do nothing..

NOTHING else..

I hope that in the sharing of this "crap-o-la" of mine..

I will encourage you to always..

ALWAYS..
FIGHT for YOURSELF.

NO ONE...puts baby int he corner.

"Cuz Yer 'simply the best'... :)

3. RAINBOWS....

Because even if there is no pot of GOLD at the end.

Even if life did not turn out...
even a little bit...
like you had thought/hoped/imagined/DREAMED..

At least there is still the majestic, natural, organic, COLORFUL reminder that....

LIFE
IS
BEAUTIFUL.

ENJOY the rainbows my friends...

and don't your DARE...

settle for less.

Because your "SIMPLY THE BEST".

So "Keep on rollin' on the river..."

And let us continue to believe in the inherent good...

OF US ALL.

Stacy Lynn

GIMME THOSE FUNKY HORNS....!!

For TONIGHT..

I am grateful for:

1. MISTAKES...because without them...how could we ever improve? And I truly believe they should be re termed..."Enlightened moments", as I am not sure I subscribe to the notion of "MIS...TAKES", I truly believe they are life's precious gifts for opportunities to learn, appreciate, improve..GROW...

or perhaps, this is because in my life,

I've experienced OH SO MANY...

Enlightened moments.. :)

2. HANDWRITING....ohhhh how I LOVE to continue to HANDWRITE...anything!!.
My notes while studying, my thoughts in my journal, my "to do" list, my spendings for the week, my workout for the day. Oh how I CHERISH the smoothness, the consistency, the soothing, the therapy....that only handwriting can provide

3. JAMES.BROWN.

HE IS..

THE.

MAN..

And I'm not sure if there is anyone else whose workout tunes consists of...

Metallica, Metallica, Godsmack, Disturbed, Iron Maiden, Megadeth, Metallica, Metallica....hate yourself hate yourself punish yourself...

but hold up..

JAMES BROWN...!!

LET'S CELEBRATE!!!

Because as soon as he "pops" into my ear....buds...I almost have to LAUGH...

at how ridiculously serious I'm taking myself..

and/or the aforementioned workout.

Maybe its time I "GET UP OFFA THAT TING..AND DANCE UNTIL I FEEL BETTA!!"

CHECK IT!! GET UP OFFA THAT THING!

And hoping you too, my loyal friend can find your time this day/week/month/year to....

Get up offa that thing,
And dance 'till you feel better!
Get up offa that thing,
And try to release that pressure!
Get up offa that thing,
And shake 'till you feel better!
Get up offa that thing,
And try to release, say it now!
Get up offa that thing,
And shake 'till you feel better,
Get up offa that thing,
And try to release that pressure!

Maybe we can all use a lil' more JAMES BROWN in our lives to..

GIMME THOSE FUNKY HORNS!! 

So that we might embrace, honor and CELEBRATE.....
our many..MANY...

ENLIGHTENED MOMENTS..

Until next time...

but in the meantime...

GIT UP OFFA THAT THING!!!

Stacy Lynn :)

Daily dose..O' crap-o-....SUNSHINE!!!

Today...was ...
a ...GOOD DAY...

Why??

Who knows...

BUT...I am grateful for:

1. SANS COFFEE.....Esqueeze me???
 Lo Siento..but no comprehendo.....

NO coffee?? No sip, not even uno cup???

How does one SURVIVE...without..

the cafe??

YES...I some how managed to start my day with TEA, instead of ..
*GASP*

COFFEE.

And I SURVIVED..

..without the heart pounding..head spinning...

blood rushing...  "ENTER RED ZONE HERE" mode..

That evidently, the cafe has been equipping me with for

ALL.THESE.DAMN.YEARS.

But not today.

Perhaps tomorrow ;)

2. CARLA...from "CHEERS".

Because she offers that lighthearted, realistic, unencumbered view of life...

the dirty,
the ugly,
the"un-ashemed"
the REALITY.

I appreciate the reminder that LIFE..
.
is not always..

"clean".

Its often "dirty"..

But perhaps, this makes it SO.MUCH.MORE....ENJOYABLE.


3. Sunshine.+ 60ish degrees..

in .. JANUARY.

As one whose mood is so inherently dependent on the weather..

Specifically..the SUNSHINE...

I ADORE...LOVE...and am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL, for any amount of warm sunshine on my face.

ESPECIALLY...in the cold..brisk..dark winter months.

Nothing warms, soothes, relieves, RELEASES......like a warm "snippet" o' sun on yo' face...!!

And hoping you too..my dear friend...were able to appreciate some sunshine on your face ..even if only for today...

Until next time...

Stacy Lynn :)

NONETHELESS....

TONIGHT...I am tired, and cannot justify why.

I did not engage in a maniacal workout this AM, I did not pedal myself silly, I did not run into the "Red"...yet..I am weary...

This frustrates me, as I have no "reason" to be weary, when I did not do my best to achieve ..or "deserve".... full exhaustion...

But nonetheless...

TONIGHT...I am GRATEFUL for..

1. STOPLIGHTs...because my mind typically operates at least 24-48 hours ahead of me, and my heart rate is just trying to keep up. And the only time I will truly STOP..is when I'm forced to, at a stoplight, and notice the cars surrounding me, the music on the radio, the weather outside my windows..
This is of course ASSUMING I am in a 4 wheeled vehicle, because if I'm on two wheels...is completely different story.. :)

2. The word NONETHELESS..because it truly is a most ridiculous word, but makes one feel quite intellectual if they can manage to interject into into a conversation...or blog post :)

3. My classic Schwinn..bought it for $75 cash from one of my classmates in PA school because she did not want to lug it back across the country to Cali.  This has proven to be my most therapeutic ride. I ride upright, typically in a skirt... the seat is plush, cushy comfortable, a hard cry from the stiff, hard saddle on my single speed...
And there is no room for the maniac,
the junkie...

the maniacal pedaling that occurs on the other wheels.

It is just steady,
mindful,
rolling,
therapeutic...
MOVEMENT...

Maybe its ok to just have MOVEMENT...even if its not maniacal..or in the "red". Perhaps I should be grateful that I can just MOVE..
at all....

Hoping you too will find your therapeutic MOVEMENT..that can help keep you away from
the maniacal...

Until next time my friends...

Gratitude...for ...the "LIFE"....

Tonight..I be grateful for..

1. FOAM ROLLERs - oh foam roller how my IT band/sartorius muscle loves thee!! Rolling around on this ridiculous contraption has proven to be the most joyous 5-10 minutes of my day.  And I have to laugh at the gaggle of folks"compiled" into the stretching/foam rolling section of the gym.  It makes me wonder..
..."What the HELL are we doing to ourselves??

 How much tension are we harboring that we need to cram ourselves into this small corner, in an attempt roll, release, alleviate SOME semblance of tension that we have manged to build up into ourselves.

I feel like is like the "Cheers" section of the gym, where we all go to "commiserate"...albeit sans the libations...
hmmm..perhaps I shall offer a suggestion :)

2. Neighbors - I have Latino neighbors who LOVE to play music and often invite me over for "the wine" :) Others may be bothered by the sound of their music until the wee hours o' the morn, but I actually don't mind rolling over in my bed, and still hearing them playing..
rejoicing...
enjoying..."the life"..

and for TONIGHT... I had the PLEASURE and HONOR..of joining them to celebrate cumpleanos....and enjoying with them.. "the Roja Vinos", along with the celebrations, the familia, the harp, the guitar, the MUSIC..the JOY.......

3. "The Life"...and in particular...MY LIFE...
and while I may not be at my proudest,  I am still GRATEFUL..
to be alive...
and somehow able to enjoy a diminutive amount of accomplishments....

EVER.
DAMN.
DAY...

And for you TOO my dear compadre...WHATEVER you accomplish today...

LET it be ENOUGH...

And may you...

"Living la vida loca!!!"

Until next time...

Stacy Lynn :)

Gratitude ...RAW..COLD...PAINFUL...

TODAY.. Raleigh, NC was EXTREMELY..

COLD…

RAINY….

RAW…

PAINFUL…

HOWEVER… I am STILL grateful for:

1.      1. MY PARENTS…LIFE.IS.HARD…and there is NO teaching or instruction in school about how to navigate this blull$h*t. Therefore, we resort to blaming our faults, shortcomings, flaws, poor genetics on our ….PARENTS. But I have entered a new realm of appreciation for my folks, seeing them as….**GASP** HUMAN BEINGS!

Not just authoritarians who need to inform me of how to conduct myself.  They TOO have their own …flaws, shortcomings, poor genetics.THEY are Not **GASP* perfect!! And it appears my parents and I have recently embarked on a “symbiotic” relationship, a soothing “ebb and flow” of us alternating between caring for each other.  This has served to be most fulfilling.  

2. NOT Running…wha wha whattt???? I’m amazed, and thrilled,of how strong my yoga practice has become now that I..ahem..NOT RUNNING. My muscles are lose, mucho mas tension. Am I no longer running away from the probelem-os?? Able to now face them…with the strength I have now been able to harbor, now that it is not all burnt out will I’m “on the run”?? But ..but..but..I thought running was my SALVAGE???

But perhaps it has been…

my SAVAGE.  

3. The rain, the raw, the PAINFULLY COLD…because perhaps..this helps me to slow down, harvest my energy, so that I will have enough…to face life…

EVERY.DAMN.DAY

YOU GOT THIS FOLKS…And if I may offer..I GOT YOU TOO.

Whether in my words, thoughts, prayers, etc…

I share with you because I adore you and hope that my words will offer some semblance of hope ..

inspiration…

whenever hou find your world might be…

COLD…

RAINY….

RAW…

PAINFUL…

Until next time… ;)

                   

Stacy Lynn

Chasing the demons.....

So while “Your demons may have left the building..

they’re  doing pushups in the parking lot..”

and yes…I myself, have been doing push ups..

In parking lots…

Literally…

EVERY.DAMN.DAY.

A routine that MUST  be completed…

At all costs..

in order to fulfill that sense of “accomplishment”.

because if I am not ACCOMPLISHING something..

EVERY.DAMN.DAY

Then what good am I??

Execpt for today…

Because by now…

even my DEMONs are bunt out.

But.. I MUST STAY STRONG…RIGHT??

Especially in this time of unyielding weakness, darkness..uncertainty..

But..

my body gets tired…

Sore..achey..

My mind gets numbs.

And by now, even the DEMONS have left both the building, and the parking lot.

THEY even think…. this is too  much for one person to bear…

Therefore.. TONIGHT..I am grateful for…

       1.The Bass and Saltwater Fishing Expo in Raleigh – Today I had the joy of seeing my dad “talk shop” with the fisher- person vendors throughout the expo.  it was so soothing to see him engage in one of his passions, as well as teach my Mom and I a few things about the lures he used while fishing in the Atlantic…that man is much smarter than anyone will ever know.

2      2.Fishing –my dad taught me how to cast a line at a very young age…and being on the water with him was more therapeutic then I think I ever realized at the time.  Without even trying, he was able to teach me the utility, the NECESSITY, of the calm..

the stillness…

the QUIET….

Because maybe …that’s when the demons give up, and check out…because no matter how many push ups they do, they cannot compete with the SALTY WATER…

3. Cloud, dreary, cold winter days.  Because sometimes, it’s nice to NOT have “all the lights turned on”. It feels GOOD…to be “sub maximal”, cool, calm…cloudy…

…with a chance of Meatballs J Cuz’ there’s just no room for the demons…in a parking lot..on a cloudy day..

And I’m hoping you TOO, my dear friend, may find your peace..your calm…your… CLOUDY..       

Your “chance of meatballs”..

That will chase those damn demons out of the parking lot.

Until next time..

GRATITUDE...for the NEGATIVE...

In the profound and proverbial words of the legendary James Hetfield during his live Metallica concert in Mexico City...

 "LET'S GET INTO THIS SH$T!!!"..

YES...let's GET INTO IT..

The NEGATIVE SPACE...

the spaces IN BETWEEN...

The spaces we RARELY take the time to notice..

So...what am I grateful for tonight??

1. The breeze...the whipping wind. This is a dichotomy for me...as it provides a painful resistance through which I pedal...but it also provides that rhythmic, calming, sooth-ness, as it ignites the wind chimes of my neighbor below....playing the soft, subtle, soothing natural sounds that only a breeze can provide.

2. My third floor apartment...another dichotomy. The 2 flights of stairs are often painful as I lug all of my "baggage" up the steps.  Yet...I have the privilege of awakening every morning to the giganor tree outside of my bedroom window, hearing the birds "commiserate", and feeling as though I'm sleeping "among the branches".

I have yet to set an alarm since taking on residence here, as I continue to rely on the birds ....

OR..

the OBNOXIOUS loudA$$ camaro of my neighbor..

to wake me from my slumber
at 4am.....

EVERY.DAMN.MORNING :)

3. Hand and foot warmers...holy canoli thank you "hot hands" for how you have saved me in these frigid temps.

4. Hoodies, because even though I may look like the ham-burglar when I take my trash out to the dumpster each evening...... I manage to remain cozy and warm.

5. The NEGATIVE spaces...the painful spots...the uncomfortable places..

the barren...
the empty...
the almost hopeless....
Because without these spaces, I would never know the strength which I can still muster...
against the cold,
the whipping wind,
the daunting climbs...
no matter how weak I might feel..

And I hope that YOU TOO..my dear friend, will be able to find the STRENGTH you need to endure....despite the BARREN,
the COLD,
the HOPELESS,

the NEGATIVE SPACE ...

to which you must confront.....

"Until it sleeps...."

Stacy Lynn :)

GRATITUDE..EVERY.DAMN.DAY...

So in a time of intense, relentless, unrelenting...darkness..I have made a commitment to express my gratitude..

EVERY.DAMN.DAY...

I have been sharing with a only handful of close family and friends...
but for this time...I will share with a few more. :)

I hope you might find either inspiration, or humor...in the Crap-o-la that rolls around in this noggin of mine.. =D

Tonight I am grateful for:

1. CHEERS - in my humble opinion ...one of the BEST DAMN SHOWS in PRIME TIME HISTORY.
EVER.
....just HEARING that theme song soothes me, sends me "home". The sound of Sam Malone and Fraser's voices seem to lower my HR, BP, etc.
I have actually BEEN to the goofy/tourist attraction "Cheers" bar in Boston, and upon my arrival.. as soon as I walked in...EVERYONE KNEW MY NAME !! If yer interested, I can tell you the tale... :)

2. Fizzy/sparkling water...makes my belly feel good, calms and soothes me ...when everything else seems awry..

3. Hardcover books...I attempted to read a novel in PDF version, and it was more painful then pedaling against the wind today...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE hardcover books, especially USED books, as they have a history, and a scent to them that just in not evident in a brandy spankin' new book.  There is a passion so inherently evident in the historical paper and binding, and the turning of the pages provides that rhythmic motion that soothes and calms, and can be so much more therapeutic then ...actual therapy... :)

That's all I got folks..until next time..

Stacy Lynn =D

SURRENDER...

This term has always held such a negative connotation to me...
HOW could I possibly GIVE IN???
WHY would I ever GIVE UP???

I MUST continue to press forward, at all costs, protect myself , stay strong..build my muscles  move..move..move...

ALWAYS. KEEP. MOVING..

But I've actually "moved" so much, that now I literally cannot "move" at the speed to which I am accustomed.

Enduring what is likely an overuse injury from an exorbitant amount of running, I ...CANNOT RUN...

GASP....

Its almost ironical...that I spent so much time RUNNING..away...from all the problem-os that plagued me ..and now..I literally CANNOT run...

The mere thought of this possibility typically would have sent me into a feverish panic...

However, the reality has been...

Enlightening.
And quite possibly even a tad liberating.

Having to operate at an ...ahem..."normocephalic" pace...has been both humbling..and healing....

I guess this is my FORCED SURRENDER.

And after a rather uncomfortable...but necessary, YIN yoga class this afternoon, I learned the necessity..and utility...of SURRENDER...

And I hope that YOU too, my dear friend, and reader... will be able to find the necessary SURRENDER in your life...

Until next time...